This whole gratitude practice is the start and a highlight of my days. I can find inspiration in many places, inspiration to pause and feel the unique pleasure of gratitude as it clicks into place and washes out my mind.
I wasn’t present but a close friend was down in Colerado for a church service and the preacher said during service “When gratitude leaves, entitlement takes its place” That sure bounced around the noodle awhile, and how experientially true!
One of first things that bubbled up around this entitlement thing is my daily does of caffeine, brought to me by a sweet piping hot cup of bitter Coffee.
I like Coffee. A lot. For a long time after I cleaned up my morning coffee routine was a habitual sleepwalk. Up, stagger around, pour a cup and drip into the day. My relationship to coffee became… well entitled. Honestly I wasn’t ever drinking it for the taste, just like booze I was looking for affect. Ive gone through decent stretches of absolute dependence on that brown gold, there were weeks i’d grab a cup to go 4 or 5 times through the day even after my morning half a carafe! Mindlessly chugging, i’d even put ice cubes in it so it was cool enough to slam down! The wasteful practice of inattention.
During covid I helped start up and run a fascinating little project. Folks who had been exposed, potentially exposed or for that matter coughed at the wrong time were volun-told to come on over to a hotel we had procured for isolation. These folks were homeless. all of them, indeed that was a barrier for entry into our little hotel of 90 or so rooms.
Imagine having humans with varying severity’s of mental health and addictions (you know the guy on the train screaming at the window) Locked in a hotel room, alone, with little to no supervision for 2 weeks. What could possibly go wrong?
We had access to a very, very fancy espresso machine during that project. The kind that grinds the beans fresh, presses and pours it all automatically. I made some unbreakable bonds, stood by that machine. Fuelled by stress, chaos and an infinite amount of double espresso shots. The maximum before cardiac arrest for me is 7. that’s 14 shots of espresso…
I watched men who had never had espresso try a cup and then join the compadre of regulars who arrived early for shift just to work that machine like a rented mule. Good times. Im grateful for these memories, whatever the health of my relations to caffeine were at the time.
Asia had in store another version of the cocaine liquid, one that while at first enjoyable quickly became second nature and over looked, gratitude left and packets of instant coffee with creamer added took its place. For months the taste of the real deal coffee did not grace my palette, instead I was left after my morning cup almost satisfied, just about, but not quite. Potentially one of the worst states to be in. For the first time in my life I was forced to not have real coffee daily. This inspired a ton of gratitude for the moments few and far between when I drank the real deal.
Entitlement left, Gratitude took it’s place
Taste was enjoyed, colour viewed, smell takin into account, temperature noted… holy shit was I becoming a coffee snob? No, the absence of real coffee; which I had become entitled to, unaware of, accustomed to. That absence made me realize what I had had in those unconscious sipping moments. Life’s like that, full of the experience “don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone” and that’s okay, that’s normal, that’s human.
Recently siting with my best friend both enjoying a hot cup of Joe, he shared a few words on Coffee that inspired this post.
“I fucking love coffee, the routine of it, how I start my days, the taste, the little perk up. You know those yeti thermos’s? They are great, keeps coffee hot for hours but honestly I might go back to my old cup because I like feeling the heat on my hands and I just don’t get that with the yeti thermos” - This simple expression of gratitude and attentionality. It’s always the little things.
Next time you find yourself with a hot cup of coffee or a hot cup of whatever the fuck people who don’t drink coffee drink. Take a moment and bring your attention and senses to the experience. Feel the heat, smell the roast, taste the bitter, see the dregs… Ah better then good.
Now imagine a world where coffee doesn’t exist… Ugly right? Resist the temptation to leap into oncoming traffic, its okay. Come back to now and sip your brown gold.
That should inspire some gratitude.
-Mackie TVM
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